Locked Out

Today my featured image is Locked Out.

That kind of describes how I’ve been feeling the past couple of days, although I’m not sure if the correct phrase is locked out, or locked in.

I truly feel it’s because of the weather, and the fact that my last photo excursion led me to this place (the L.A. River) again, and there was nothing beautiful to look at. Sometimes I even feel sorry for the birds there because the water flowing through there is… well… not pretty.

It seems that since I made the decision to leave the real estate world behind, and chase after what felt like some kind of artistic calling, the gates slammed shut. I know it’s all in my head- but the feeling is there, nonetheless.

Sometimes I think that “making a decision” is a trap. I do much better when I just go with the flow, but then again… that also led me to many dead ends.

The fact of the matter is that I don’t want to end up back in the middle of the rat race. I ran that race so hard, and for so long, that I’ve worn holes in my feet. So now I’m trying to find a way to survive (make a living), and not lose my zest for life in the process.

My state of mind truly is that of awe and gratitude, for how far I’ve come… so I hope that this is the last post I write that contains tidbits of negativity. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.

I was thinking this morning that, no matter what my mood is lately, the one truth is that I do NOT crave alcohol anymore. That alone is enough to call every day a success. So, that being said, today I’m not going to think about any of these things.

No plans, no decisions, no expectations, and no feeling locked in, or locked out.

I look forward to seeing what comes naturally today, and I’m going to give thanks all day for my ongoing sobriety. 14 more days until my one year mark!!

Blessings- Love you all. 🙂

Advertisements

14 Comments

  1. I thought I commented here yesterday but it doesn’t seem to be here so I will try again 🙂
    Everyone feels locked out – or locked in – sometimes. God opened the door to sobriety for you. He will open up another door. He will not leave you standing in the hallway. If He has not opened the door, maybe there is a reason. We trust Him fully and completely.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Everyone feels locked out – or locked in – now and then. Decisions are so scary…. especially the life changing ones so it only makes that you have specific feelings towards these.

    God will open a door for you. He has opened the door to sobriety, He will not leave you standing in the hallway.

    Like

      1. Yes, it’s not easy to get to. The way I go is stats page, at the insights tab… then scroll down to comments by author and click on any of the people- I usually click on me. That opens up the main panel and you will see comments and how many spam you have there.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. More than likely you do. Most of them really are spam. All kinds of weird stuff in there, but occasionally I check and find a real one. lol

        Like

  3. Super congrats on drawing so close to a year! You know you are not alone in feeling that making a decision is a trap. Victor Frankl wrote in “Man’s Search for Meaning” about his time in a Nazi concentration camp and how those interred would fear choice… and would prefer to let choices be made for them. At least that way if it turned out bad they wouldn’t be to blame.

    I think we are all afraid to make a decision at times, I read once that when face with a tough choice throw up a coin, heads one way, tails the other. Then when the coin is in the air go with which side you are hoping for. Great post, thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s