“Some people won’t look up to God until He puts them on their back.” That point really hits home for me. Agony, sickness and feelings of despair definitely put me on my back. It truly humbled me, and forced me to look up to God.
Whenever I quit drinking before, it was merely that. I quit “picking up the glass”. I would continue on…just as I had (but with a clear head). I strived harder, forging ahead faster, stronger, and more diligently than ever. I had something to prove. The failure to see results would eventually discourage me. Exhaustion from all the strife would set in, and I would inevitably turn to the one thing that gave me comfort. The bottle.
Last year I just KNEW that my life was changing. Once I had that moment of clarity, and realized that getting sober (and staying alive) meant more to me than my business, my priorities shifted. My business wasn’t much, but it was MINE. I built it, and I owned it. And when I say built it, I’m talking from the “ground up”… which was from a laptop, sitting on a blowup bed in a room that I rented. Over time, it grew to pay my bills… and then some.
In all honesty, eventually I gave it up completely. I had this new sense of freedom, and was discovering that my worth wasn’t found in that business. I was grasping something of REAL value. I was learning how to LIVE, and realizing that surrender wasn’t defeat; it was passing the reins over to God, and trusting Him for the outcome.
There was a LONG road ahead, but I was no longer weary and my load was light.
And I was sober.
Next Up: Girl Talk- Part One
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30